Hey, a baby's gotta eat!

I had no idea the topic of feeding a baby could be so controversial. I mean sure, I knew even before getting pregnant that breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding was a highly debated topic. But I had no idea it could create so many problems, to the point where trying to feed your baby could result in nationwide attention, as in this article: Moms Hold Breastfeeding Sit-In. I also didn't know some women argue against pumping, and encourage nursing EVERY TIME a child has to eat. Really, times have changed, and these viewpoints, both on opposite ends of the spectrum (that breastfeeding should only occur in private, and that babies should be nursed every single time) place some very weighty expectations on mothers that I know I, for one, cannot live up to. That being said, I am astounded by the fact that breast milk is basically liquid gold and that I can actually produce the healthiest thing my baby can consume (btw, I give Neil Patrick Harris major kudos for getting breast milk flown in for his baby daughter, and for raising awareness of the benefits of breast milk). I still need to come up with a plan for pumping and storage after I return to work. And once the baby begins to eat solids, I'm excited to make homemade baby food! So much to plan for!

It's all coming together!

Yesterday was a busy day, but it ended in us getting a crib and changing table! Even though the crib is probably one of the biggest and most important decisions in baby-related purchases, this was least enjoyable process overall for me. I felt like there weren't many options available in my area, and as a result, we selected the crib based on what we could find, not which crib was best. For starters, we do not have a Babies 'R Us, Land of Nod, or Buy Buy Baby in our area. As we found out, most regular furniture stores do not sell baby furniture. Or, if they used to sell baby furniture, they stopped as of the crib recall in 2010 (by the way, BabyCenter.com has compiled a great list of easily searchable product recalls). I read that the best brands are Munire, Westwood and Bonavita, but could not find a store near us that carries any of those brands and we didn't want to buy a crib sight unseen. Department stores like JC Penney and Sears only sell cribs online (in our area, at least).

We stopped at a Babies 'R Us one day while visiting my mom. We found three cribs we liked, and after a week of comparing, made a final choice. BabiesRUs.com has a giant graphic on the product description of most cribs that says "FREE SHIPPING"! Awesome, right? I thought so, until I saw the $500 shipping fee as I was entering my credit card info. Apparently, that's free shipping up to $20, which of course, is absolutely useless when it comes to cribs. (Hey, I ordered our entertainment center online with free shipping, so I maintain that it is not completely idiotic to think free shipping could apply to furniture.)

After a little searching, I found one furniture store in our area that sells cribs...only to get there and find out they do not keep stock; all of their cribs are ordered online. They were also way out of our price range--the set would have been more than we spent on the real oak set in our bedroom! It's kid furniture; I want nice, but not so nice that I'm going to freak out when it gets destroyed by crayon, or whatever other crazy thing the kid decides to do to it. None of the employees seemed to have much knowledge about cribs either. Since it's not a core function of their business, they couldn't say much beyond "oh, these cribs are very safe."

So, we checked Target. At this point, our only criteria was whether or not it was cute and not recalled. So we found one. Not available at any store within 80 miles, and Target.com does not offer in-store pickup. In our second choice set, the store had one changing table, which we bought, and the crib was available at a store 45 minutes away. We drove there, bought the crib, drove back, opened the box and saw...two baby gates. That's right. We paid for the crib, and received a box filled with two baby gates. ...Back to Target... But, we finally have the furniture and Jamie set both pieces up last night!

In the past week, we also bought some rattan boxes for storing baby supplies, letters to do a cute wall hanging with the baby's name (although now we're going back and forth on what the name will be), and we received the Dr. Seuss wall quote that I ordered on Etsy from Project3Designs. Pictures to come after the nursery has been unveiled to friends and family. Yay!

Pregnancy is teaching me...

Sometimes I need to ask for help.

I hate not being able to do simple things, like refill the water cooler at work.  I know that sounds silly, but I am not used to needing help from others, no matter how willing they are to offer. When I told my boss I was pregnant he said, in reference to another colleague who recently had a baby, "we know some days she's not going to come in at 100%, and that's OK. We accommodate, and we're happy to do it because she has given so much to us in the past and continues to do so. Same with you." He said a lot more, which I will have to summarize in another post, but the point is, it's great to know I have support when I need it.

My life will change. I cannot do everything I used to do.

Ok, this is probably completely obvious to everyone but me.  Before I got pregnant, I came across some blogs about rock climbing while pregnant and thought, "that will totally be me!"  I knew which harness to buy, and I thought I was all set.  At my 7-week appointment, I shared my plans with my doctor, who rightfully, flipped out.  I looked back at the blogs I had found, and talked to some other climbers.  The fact is, I couldn't find any medically-based information that verified that yes, climbing is safe.  Maybe I wasn't looking in the right places, I don't know.  But for now, climbing will have to wait.

As will running, unfortunately.  Now, running is one activity that IS safe during pregnancy.  And I was running regularly, up until I fell at 22 weeks.  And I mean FELL.  My ankle turned and I was splayed out on the concrete, with scrapes on my knees and shoulder.  Of course, this happened the DAY AFTER my 22 week appointment.  Yes, I have a weak right ankle, but this has never happened to me before.  Back to the doctor I went, and the nurses hooked me up to a machine to monitor whether or not I was having contractions.  After 10 minutes, they determined the baby is safe and I was not having any contractions.  But, due to continued social pressure, mostly from my husband, who as he put it, "would like to put me in a bubble until I deliver," I switched to swimming instead.

I hate the question, "How are you feeling?"

I realize it's fairly common and people who ask have the best of intentions. And I would never want to offend someone by telling them I hate the question. But, I am healthy, capable and happy. Yes, it's true I can't do everything, but I can still do a lot. Most of the time, when people ask me, I say "good, how are you?" More often than not, they respond, "[confused look] I'm fine...but I'm not pregnant."

Life will throw curve balls no matter how well I plan.

I looked up maternity classes, knew exactly how much the cost of the delivery would be, and the hospital I would be delivering at. I even showed up at the hospital when I was four months along to ask questions (and the nurses were friendly and more than happy to chat, but even they said I was overly prepared).

Without going into the whole sordid mess, my health insurance situation (along with the health insurance of 200,000+ employees) is up in the air right now, through no fault of my own or my employer, and may not get sorted out until five days before my due date. Worst case, there is the possibility that my insurance carrier will not be available when I deliver, and the insurance carriers that are offered may not cover my delivery because of the timing.

To love my body.

People have always told me I'm skinny, but before I got pregnant, I was always self conscious. I always thought I could be thinner in one area, or bigger in another. I always found something that wasn't quite right. Those feelings didn't go away overnight (and I was especially self conscious during that fat-but-not-quite-pregnant-looking period around 4-5 months) but now when I look in the mirror, I am truly happy with what I see. I am conscious of what I eat, but I no longer look for the lowest calorie option because I know that won't get me through the day. Instead, I look for the options that provide for square meals--veggies, protein, fruit, and grains. I knew I would be making changes to provide the healthiest environment for my growing baby, but I'm not sure if the change in my mentality came from knowing that I can chalk up any imperfection right now to pregnancy, or whether it was something more. I'm sure the boost in my cup size has something to do with it!

I CAN do this.

When I was younger, there was no question in my mind as to whether or not I would have kids. I even made name lists (all girls--good thing I'm having a girl, I guess). Sometime during my sophomore year of college, I started to question whether I could truly balance a family and a career. I didn't want to just collect a paycheck; I wanted the corner office, fast-paced lifestyle, and I just didn't know if I could do that with a kid in tow. Over the past two years before I got pregnant I rarely worked less than 10 hour days, and it wasn't uncommon to work 14 hours a day or longer once a week. My New Year's resolution this year was to make more time for myself. Since finding out I am pregnant, I have put in less overtime and gotten things done. My staff seems less stressed and more flexible as well. I don't attribute these things to being pregnant, of course, but it's nice to see things fall into place.

The wait between monthly doctor visits feels like an eternity.

And the visits themselves will always feel too rushed. I always remember one more question for the doctor an hour after my appointment. Next week is my last monthly visit. After that, I'll be in my third trimester, which means I'll be going every two weeks!

My friends and family are truly amazing.

They go out of their way to show they care. Most of them don't have kids, and up until my husband and I announced I am pregnant, I told them I didn't want kids. I didn't expect them to understand or to care, but they do. And it means the world to me.

The Climb

Yes, I just put a Miley Cyrus song in your head.  I'm sorry (not really).  No, I'm not a Miley fan, but the song sums up the past two years for me. 

I accepted a promotion to middle management at work.  With it came huge opportunities, and a lot to reevaluate.  I received support from many unexpected sources, in ways I unfortunately must admit I didn't always recognize at first.  I received one piece of advice from an experienced colleague of mine that I will never forget.  She told me the lessons I learn in my first year will stick with me throughout my entire career, and to write it all down because I will cherish it.  My first year was rough.  Most of it I did not want to write down, and regardless, I didn't have time.  But, I did start to make mental notes.  Whether afraid, excited, scared, proud, I would sometimes catch myself thinking "there's another one for the blog."

Climbing and running got me through the first year. I needed the adrenaline rush and I needed the sense of accomplishment, no matter how small.  Slowly, things fell into place, and I (and others) saw my plans come to fruition.  I learned who I could trust, and those people mean the world to me.  I started to think more about my next steps than about just keeping my head above water, which was really exciting.  I love having things to plan for, whether at work or in my personal life.  I also taught a graduate-level class in the fall of 2010.  Around that time my husband and I started talking the next step for our family.  We agreed to start trying for a baby in February because would be done teaching and I could time my maternity leave with our employer's holiday break and wouldn't fall quite as behind at work.  Well, after seven years of waiting, this baby was not about to wait any longer!  I went off birth control in January and found out I was pregnant in January!

Being pregnant has given me a lot to blog about.  During the past six months, I have experienced so many quirky, amazing things that have made me think "wow, THAT is something for the blog."  Of course, as I read other pregnancy blogs out there, I realize my experiences aren't all that unique.  I find myself identifying with others' sentiments, or thinking "yeah, I USED to think that too."  One thing I've realized is there aren't too many blogs out there about women who are proud to be mothers and work.  Having a career is hard.  Having a newborn, I can only imagine, will be infinitely harder.  Both at the same time?  I am excited, but I know I will need advice and inspiration.  There's even a blog called Confessions from a Working Mom.  I was really excited when I first found it, only to find that the author ultimately decided to stay at home.  Don't get me wrong, this is not about a soapbox.  It's about support.  I did find this list of working mom blogs that I will start to sift through.  I will continue to read, process, and write down as much as I can, and hopefully, the information I find will be useful to others too.